THAT'S NOT A THING

This is pretty much an extended vaguebook post.
By the way, did you know there's a whole site other than Facebook that's dedicated to vaguebooking?? THERE IS.
(Also, have you checked this week's Secrets yet? I haven't either, but I thought I'd take a sec to remind us both.)
Anyway, you know when you're just so fed up with a sitch and you're just like, 'Yooooo, That's Not A Thing, I Am OUT, I Just CAN'T WITH THIS.'?
My dear, sweet Marv is the Queen of making not-a-things into OMG THINGS, and I'm like, honey-baby-darling, could you Just Fucking NOT? The other day, she forgot to have me sign a form, so she came in my room in the middle of the night when it was still pitch-black outside (8 am), and I couldn't even hardly open my eyes and I'm all like, I'll just get up and we can go in the kitchen where I can maybe see what I'm doing and have a hard surface to write on and stuff, and she's like, no, it's fine, and tries to turn on my bedside lamp, but apparently has never ever used a lamp before (side note: I love lamp) and turns the turny-onny stem thing the wrong way so she's just unscrewing it and somehow, it still turns on the very second the screwy thing falls off the damn lamp and rolls under my bed, and because she had slept in my bed the night before, I had gotten about 23 seconds of sleep, and this was literally like the worst thing ever. I'm like OMG, if you would have just let me get my damn slugass out of bed, this wouldn't have been the worst thing ever.
Last night, she wanted me to make steak. Even though there's like, a wall of flotsam, jetsam, and detritus in front of the grill (because nothing ever gets actually cleaned, my children just move their junk to another place where I won't see it for a bit and I'll get off their backs about it), and then, as soon as I'm standing in the smoke and steam of a 550° grill, she's like, I need these forms signed by tomorrow. I'm like, it's only 5-fucking-thirty, calm the fuck down, that shit's gonna combust from both the heat of the grill and my fiery rage RN, so if you could just put them on the fucking table, I will deal with them when I'm done sweating my ass off for you. KTHXBYE.
ANYWAY, LONG STORY NOT MADE ANY SHORTER: STOP MAKING 'things' INTO 'THINGS'. You know that thing you're dealing with right now? Yeah, it probably sucks, but you know what, it's not even really a thing. Or, at least, it's not as big of a thing as you're making it into. It could just be a 'whatever'. Take a deep breath, have a nap or a drink or a smoke or a snack, watch some Netflix or something. Or read the fucking news and be grateful that your thing isn't nearly as bad as the actual Things happening out in the world.


Speaking of things happening out in the world, my kids scored an invite to U of I's Black Alumni celebration. (And not the kid you'd think! it was addressed to OperationDelta, not DJStruggs!)

Anyway, I know it's short notice, but maybe we should go? Although, I am a little offended he only got the invite for the 'Day Party'. That implies there's a 'Night Party' where shit is probably LIT AF, but apparently, we didn't qualify for that. Check out that Ciroc Flavors special, tho!!! 

#GinOut #LitAF

WTF, Netflix?

I slept virtually not at all last night. I was in so much sinus pain that I wanted to rip my teeth out, but I was also too fucking lazy to get up and take NyQuil.
So, this morning, I got some beef with Netflix. I hate that I can't delete shit from all the bullshit they show to me. I AM NOT INTERESTED in Jeff Foxworthy or Larry the Cable Guy, so if you could stop offering that as an option, that'd be greeeeat.
Some mofo that I live with, who shall remain nameless, will go scroll-scroll-scrolling through all the whatever, trending now, or whatever, and seriously, by the time he fucking settles on something to watch (NCIS, obvs), the pizza's gone cold and it's time for bed.
Oh, AND, you know how when you watch a series, but you're only on like, ep 3, and then the next time you fire up the 'Flix, it's all like, "oh hai! here, finish watching that thing!"? but when you finish a series, they remove it from your recently watched. What the actual fuck is that shit? Look, I literally have been watching Black Books, the IT Crowd, Better Off Ted, Sherlock, and Doc Martin over and over and over and over and over for like, 6 months straight. And you KNOW this, man! So when the final ep finishes playing and the PS3 times out because I'm asleep, do me a damn favor and put that back in my 'recently watched' queue so I don't have to go searching for it tomorrow.
Which, actually, makes me realize that if I'd just put those five shows directly on the PS3, I could probably break up with Netflix completely. Too bad the FBI or the ADA or the FDA or whoever is all mad about "pirating" shows. HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY??
...
Which leads me to... How DO people watch TV? It's been so long since we had TV, I really don't even know how people do it now. Are DVRs still a thing? I don't think you need an actual, tangible DVR device anymore, do you? Isn't everything just sort of on demand? What about things that aren't? You just sort of ... request to like, save a show in your queue? (I just looked up DVR and saw that literally, 3 hours ago, TiVo said it's phasing out support for its devices or something)
I know it's all, get-off-my-lawn-y of me, but I miss the old days of TVs with 7 channels and analog dials and rabbit ear antennas. My kid just told me he saw a commercial for something, and I was all like, "a commercial??!!?!?!" as if that was the most preposterous thing ever. I can't remember the last time I saw a commercial--well, it was probably when we were in Winona last winter for hockey and I was watching the hotel TV (NCIS, obvs). I was nearly apoplectic with rage and frustration over the seemingly-constant commercials, even though I remember them being only for a tree house show?

I've hit the tech wall. I just can't. I don't know how to work any of the controller things, except my trusty PS3. I LITERALLY don't know how to turn on the PS4 or the WiiU, or how to make either of those, the Xbox360, or the Xbone show up on the teevee screen. I have my laptop, my 3DS (I'm not even sure if that's what it's called?), and my PS3. I can't even work any of the kids' iPhones. I've become my 90-year old grandma.

Now get the fuck off my lawn.