So, I recently gave up the coffee, because my body doesn't know what to do with dairy *or* caffeine, and starting my day with an urgent and explosive bowel movement isn't really my jam.
In spite of that, I was still havin' hella tummy trouble, tho. So last night at the store, I was like, fuck it, and bought some damn coffee. I figured that, maybe if I was more vigilant about taking my meds that are supposed to calm my bile ducts or whatever (or ... actually I think it boosts them, 'cause they don't work right or something?), I'd be all right.
Today: had some coffee and I was OK, but then I wanted a Reese's PB cup, so I knew I'd better take my meds, which I did. Had a RPBC without incident (so far). Except, like, 47 seconds ago, I got a massive fucking headache, and I'm all, WTF? and then I remembered that the trade-off for not shitting my pants is an excruciating headache -- not quite migraine, but def 'I-need-to-go-lie-down'-caliber.
I *know* the joke about the side effects of meds being worse than the ailment they're treating has been done to death, but srsly, yo. Like, why haven't we fixed that? It's like a fucked-up fairy tale. Sure, you can have legs, but every fucking step is gonna feel like walking on knives. You can either go out with your friends and just clench your bootyhole tight and sweat out the waves of nausea, or you can take some meds to prevent shitting yourself, but then you just have to instantly go to bed for the night. Even if it's only like, 2 pm. What the actual fuck.
Addendum: My kids and I were playing "Million Dollars, But..." yesterday, and one of 'em was: "Million dollars, but every time you curse, you grow an extra body part." Well, fuck. So every time I've cursed since then (about 837 times), my kids were like, "Mom! you just grew an extra leg*!" (*or whatever). Just writing this damn post would have caused me to grow like 32 extra body parts. What a nightmare that'd be.
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