WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, USPS??

I literally got 9 parcels in the mail today. (Because, holiday.)
Shirts for weirdos, a fancy compass for mathy things, some shit Mary ordered two fucking months ago from Malaysia that finally decided to show up, a calendar to hang in my kitchen and never look at, etc.
Everything except the ONE FUCKING THING I wanted to arrive: my fucking C&C puzzle newspaper nerdery.

These motherfuckers be trollin' me.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, USPS?? I NEVER have beef with the P.O. until NOW.

I got a book in the mail on Saturday that was bent in half like fucking origami. WHY? AND I got a fucking final notice for a parcel that I never received a first notice for. 

To add insult to injury, or I guess injury to insult, I fucking wiped the fuck out on our gotdamn boardwalk on my way to the car to get the fucking aforementioned parcel. Now I am absolutely dead in a twisted deadass pretzel of pain, and the fucking USPS is trollin', tryin'a tell me that that motherfucking 9x12" envelope made it from fucking ROCHESTER, NY to the STP in SIXTEEN HOURS and somehow can't make it those last 25 miles (30 minute drive) to my hood in almost 2 days? And don't give me any of that, but holiday! shit, because I've been tracking all these things, and loads of postal workers were working during the holiday. I don't know WTF happens over there at that fucking Eagan PO, but they're the worst. I've literally had a package go from fucking Eagan to Stillwater, then BACK to Eagan before actually being delivered to me.

I'm so fucking grumpy, I can't even do anything besides grump about being grumpy.

Get off my fucking lawn.