WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, USPS??

I literally got 9 parcels in the mail today. (Because, holiday.)
Shirts for weirdos, a fancy compass for mathy things, some shit Mary ordered two fucking months ago from Malaysia that finally decided to show up, a calendar to hang in my kitchen and never look at, etc.
Everything except the ONE FUCKING THING I wanted to arrive: my fucking C&C puzzle newspaper nerdery.

These motherfuckers be trollin' me.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, USPS?? I NEVER have beef with the P.O. until NOW.

I got a book in the mail on Saturday that was bent in half like fucking origami. WHY? AND I got a fucking final notice for a parcel that I never received a first notice for. 

To add insult to injury, or I guess injury to insult, I fucking wiped the fuck out on our gotdamn boardwalk on my way to the car to get the fucking aforementioned parcel. Now I am absolutely dead in a twisted deadass pretzel of pain, and the fucking USPS is trollin', tryin'a tell me that that motherfucking 9x12" envelope made it from fucking ROCHESTER, NY to the STP in SIXTEEN HOURS and somehow can't make it those last 25 miles (30 minute drive) to my hood in almost 2 days? And don't give me any of that, but holiday! shit, because I've been tracking all these things, and loads of postal workers were working during the holiday. I don't know WTF happens over there at that fucking Eagan PO, but they're the worst. I've literally had a package go from fucking Eagan to Stillwater, then BACK to Eagan before actually being delivered to me.

I'm so fucking grumpy, I can't even do anything besides grump about being grumpy.

Get off my fucking lawn.

RAGE MONSTER

So, my kid has been moody for like, a year. Well, I mean, moodier. But, you know, he's a teenager, so I'm all, "oh, you rascally hormones!" Well, this year, he's in 10th grade (first year at the actual high school building b/c shit is weird out here) and has morphed into like, a straight RAGE MONSTER. Actually, I guess he's more like a Peanuts character, like, when they're upset and they're under that scribble-cloud?

Was that a thing, or did I just make that up? Googling "Peanuts angry scribble cloud" didn't come back with as many results as I expected. Just this one.

Anyway, he comes home just under this fucking black cloud and he's soooooo annoyed and so put-upon and he's so fucking unpleasant for the first 10 minutes or so. And I mean, this kid is usually pretty fucking goofy and charming. I'm like yooooo, can you just go in like, a chill-out, decontamination chamber for like, 15 minutes when you come home? How 'bout you crawl into your room via your window and cocoon for 10 min or whatever until you calm the fuck down, and then you can come out into our shared living space and we can do the how-was-your-day bit.

Srsly, though, what do you even do about this shit? Just ride it out? I thought the other kid was moody last year, too; if he goes through this ultra-mood phase when he's in 10th next year, I'mma lose my shit. Also, Marv is moody AF, too. She's so impatient and freaks out at the slightest provocation. So, it's like, all eggshells all the time. 

I know it's normal and natural and all that, and I wouldn't actually medicate them even if I could (I don't think there's mood stabilizers for puberty, right?) but some days, y'all, I'm like, OMG, can I give you a Xanny or some [insert name of anti-whatever meds, I really don't know any of them.] or even like, a Benadryl so  you'd just go to sleep at a decent time without complaining? (Can you even give Benadryl to children? My pharma knowledge only covers acetaminophen & ibuprofen. I don't even quite understand naproxen. Does Benadryl come in tablets/capsules? I tried it once as a child, and it was a syrup that was so horrible, the memory makes me shudder & feel like throwing up, so.)

(Seriously, it was so horrible. I feel ill and have to go lie down now. Under a scribble cloud of sickness.)