In Which I Am Too Dumb to Function

I don't know what the hell is going on, but my memory is just like, gone. I was up at like, 3am on Monday morning, and I was so unsure of what day it was, I was starting to panic. I know it's common to be a little messed up on around federal holidays, but still. I'm also literally forgetting things almost immediately, like my neighbors name (sort of understandable b/c I was all anxiety-awkward panicky) but I'll forget the answer to a question I just asked my kids, which is not like me. I feel flighty and forgetful and unfocused--UNABLE to focus.
My nerdspaper arrived yesterday, FINALLY, and I just couldn't even with it. I just couldn't focus. I did a couple of the puzzles over several hours, but I'm just not into it like I usually am.

Also, the puzzles are REALLY DIFFICULT. Like, I don't even know what they're asking for. And I can't focus, so I'm just like derpy derpy durr durr... just gonna stare blankly at the... something, I don't even know at this point.

This was an easy puzzle. At least, one part of it was. The other part made very little sense, and I can't figure out the last bit at all.

In other news, the pirate thing I ordered for Marv is going over pretty well, after an initial hiccup. The first mailing arrived last Friday and she was NOT into it, and I was ready to light myself on fire.

Mailing #1

She had no interest in the letters or the cipher, and only wanted the key. Fucking kill me.

Luckily, the first mailing had trouble crossing the border or something, so the second mailing came the next day. Oh, also, and I know I could totally insert this bit in the appropriate place (heh) but whatever. When the first mailing came, Struggs was all like, 'oh, yeah Marv, me & OD didn't want to do this, so Mom got it for you,' and I'm like, STFU, Struggs, that's not even what happened, and don't make this seem like a punishment, it's meant to be fun, you asshole. (That's what all led to me putting my head in the oven. I was unusually delicate that day or something.) ANYWAY, the second mailing came, and guess who suddenly wanted to be involved?

If this were an actual publication, I'd subscribe immediately.

That's right, fuckin' Struggs all up in the jam. Considering they spend the majority of their time arguing, this melted my obsidian heart a little bit. 

Which leads me to my final point:

I hate ventriloquists.

RAGE MONSTER

So, my kid has been moody for like, a year. Well, I mean, moodier. But, you know, he's a teenager, so I'm all, "oh, you rascally hormones!" Well, this year, he's in 10th grade (first year at the actual high school building b/c shit is weird out here) and has morphed into like, a straight RAGE MONSTER. Actually, I guess he's more like a Peanuts character, like, when they're upset and they're under that scribble-cloud?

Was that a thing, or did I just make that up? Googling "Peanuts angry scribble cloud" didn't come back with as many results as I expected. Just this one.

Anyway, he comes home just under this fucking black cloud and he's soooooo annoyed and so put-upon and he's so fucking unpleasant for the first 10 minutes or so. And I mean, this kid is usually pretty fucking goofy and charming. I'm like yooooo, can you just go in like, a chill-out, decontamination chamber for like, 15 minutes when you come home? How 'bout you crawl into your room via your window and cocoon for 10 min or whatever until you calm the fuck down, and then you can come out into our shared living space and we can do the how-was-your-day bit.

Srsly, though, what do you even do about this shit? Just ride it out? I thought the other kid was moody last year, too; if he goes through this ultra-mood phase when he's in 10th next year, I'mma lose my shit. Also, Marv is moody AF, too. She's so impatient and freaks out at the slightest provocation. So, it's like, all eggshells all the time. 

I know it's normal and natural and all that, and I wouldn't actually medicate them even if I could (I don't think there's mood stabilizers for puberty, right?) but some days, y'all, I'm like, OMG, can I give you a Xanny or some [insert name of anti-whatever meds, I really don't know any of them.] or even like, a Benadryl so  you'd just go to sleep at a decent time without complaining? (Can you even give Benadryl to children? My pharma knowledge only covers acetaminophen & ibuprofen. I don't even quite understand naproxen. Does Benadryl come in tablets/capsules? I tried it once as a child, and it was a syrup that was so horrible, the memory makes me shudder & feel like throwing up, so.)

(Seriously, it was so horrible. I feel ill and have to go lie down now. Under a scribble cloud of sickness.)